BARNIE OF THE WEEK!!!

Sources have yet to confirm this, but could this possibly be one half of the producer of the fabulous (and previous BOTW award winner) Lovely Linda?

Smoke ya a nudder 'en, Maw!

Top Ten AU Moments of the Decade: Number 8

Number 8:

The Rise and Fall of Tommy Tuberneck


The year was 1997: by the time the season's end rolled around, Aubarn (AL) had only ONE conference victory to boast. They ultimately replaced their coach, Tator Tot Bowden (who had resigned earlier on in the season), with the head coach of the only SEC team they managed to beat that year: Tommy Tuberneck.


The Tuberneck campaign started off a little on the rocky side, however, things were soon to change as his primary competition was soon to undergo half a dozen coaching changes in nearly five years with severe NCAA sanctions to atop that... which ultimately led to this:




Things were flowing smoothly on the plains, with not even the nearest roadblock in sight until... the handcuffs were removed from around Alabama's wrists and they managed to hit a grandslam by hiring Nick Saban, which ultimately led to the demise of Tubby's Aubarn (AL) head coaching career.

The Aubarn (AL) Recruiting Method... Part Two!!!

Read Part One Here!

Dakota Mosley, seen in the pic below, is sporting those one hundred dolla billz yo, which was donated to him immediately after signing with The University of Aubarn (AL)!

Who on Earth could this proud donor be? Wonder if he owns his very own stealth jet, which got him from Opelika, to Miami, and then to Arkansas?

COUGH COUGH Just give 'em COUGH COUGH what they want! COUGH COUGH!
-Pat Dye

See Alabammer lurkers, Jesus loves us Barnies too!

HAHAAHAA ALABAMMER HE LOVES US MORE THAN HE LOVES YAL'L!!!1 HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! HAHAHAHA!!! BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!

What is little man's syndrome?

It is considering your recruiting class a success based on being ranked ahead of one particular team (instead of basing it on being ranked in the top 5).

Image Courtesy of The War Eagle Reader

The Aubarn (AL) Recruiting Method...

So exactly how does a three year head coach with an overall losing record, an offensive coordinator not even five years out of high school, and a legendary defensive mastermind defensive coordinator out-recruit the SEC coaching veterans and suddenly change the minds (and commitments) of cross-state rival commits such as Spencer Region and Craig Sanders? It's simple: The Pat Dye/Slug Jordan method...

See Aubarn (AL) commit, Corey Lemonier's photos below:

guns...

more guns...

...and a brand new Corvette of which he received immediately after signing to play football with (and I quote Corey himself) "The University of Aubarn."

COUGH COUGH Just give 'em COUGH COUGH what they want! COUGH COUGH!
-Pat Dye

The future is bright! WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!

Updates Coming Soon...

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!!!

BARNIE OF THE WEEK!!!

Want to know what earned him this week's most prestigious AUbarnie award? I'm still deciding on which tail it was, the rat tail or the tiger tail? Maybe even the gorgeous Faded Glory camo pants... this guy's just suiting up for battle!!

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!!!

Top Ten AU Moments of the Decade: Number 9

Number 9:
Sociology

Aubarn (AL)'s Inferiority Complex Level Chart

This was released today by the Aubarn (AL)/Opeliker Newz...

Charles From Reeltown on Alabama Winning the BCS National Championship!

This true Aubarn (AL) Man™ spirit deserves him a share of this week's Barnie of the Week Award!

Charles From Reeltown on Alabama Winning the 2010 National Championship from AUbarnie on Vimeo.

You really can't get any bettur than this!!


You a braggin' Alabam mowran.

You a idiot stupid ignorant, loud mouth, fancy dan, stupid ignorant mowran.

You a low down, sorry flea bitten dog.

You a possum eatin' skunk.

You are TERRIBLE... you a jackass!

You cross-dressin', panty wearin'... sniffin... sniff... sniff... panty wearing mowran.

The Moral Victory National Championship Playoffs Begin...

BARNIE OF THE WEEK -- DOUBLE FEATURE PART 2!!!

I-Man Clause, eat your heart out!!

BARNIE OF THE WEEK -- DOUBLE FEATURE PART 1!!!

PaulBryantFaggot of YouTube earns his second Barnie of the Year Award in less than six months!!!

And yet again displays the class that all true Aubarn (AL) men are required to display!



WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!!!!

Tommy Tuberneck hired at Texas Tech...

Him goes from one Tech school to another!



His success depends on whether or not Texas is sure to lose myriad scholarships over a five year period and undergoes coaching changes every other season.

WAR DAMN TEXAS TECH EAGLE HEY!!!

The Eight Epic Fail Prophecies of Barniedamus...

Barniedamus (left) sets, pondering on his ninth prophecy to the people of Lee County.

From Crapstonereport.

1. January 2007, Bama hires Nick Saban. After a rough first season, finishing 7-6…ironically potentially the same record Auburn will likely finish with this season yet they call 2009 a “success”…Saban racks up back-to-back undefeated (regular) seasons, equaling Chiznip’s win total in only one of those two seasons.

2. December 4, 2008, Bama loses a heartbreaker to Florida in the 2008 SEC Championship Game, then lays an egg against Utah in an embarrassing Sugar Bowl loss. Surely the making of a program’s fall, right? Nope. Bama responds with an encore that includes 12 more regular season wins and takes the West again.

3. November 27, 2009, Auburn plays its best possible game, employing new formations, trick plays and strategy unseen prior to its clash with the undefeated, highly ranked and Western Division Champs Crimson Tide. They jump out to a quick 14-0 lead. But methodically, Bama comes back. Finally, holding to a one point edge, Abarn sees Greg McElroy methodically eat the fourth quarter clock, driving Bama into field goal range for the go ahead kick…subsequently leaving the door open for Tigger victory, something Bama has been accustomed to doing for years. But this Bama team is engineered by a coach who knows how to deliver a knock-out blow in enemy territory, calling timeout and trumping a run to ensure a touchdown. Then you watch the coach who you’ve convinced yourself is the answer waste 1:13, wandering around in his own confusion while doing his best Les Miles impression. Hard to sleep that night, I’m sure.

4. December 5, 2009. If Auburn couldn’t take Bama down, surely they could sit back and enjoy the Gators finishing the job. Nope. Alabama systematically dismantles the Tim Tebow machine. Bama strikes a 13-0 season on its way to the National Championship game in the Rose Bowl, a storied stadium rich in the tradition of Alabama football. Another tough night to sleep if you’re wearing Aubie pajamas.

5. December 10, 2009. “If the Notre Dame job ever comes open, Saban is gone.” Those words danced in the hearts of every barner out there. Along with phrases like “Saban is a nomad…he’ll never stay anywhere long.” Notre Dame is the ultimate job…and he’s Catholic…oh yea, he’ll go if Weis ever gets canned. Well, Weis gets canned, Kelley gets hired, and Saban stays put, with plans to dominate college football from home base, right here in Tuscaloosa. This must wake you up at night if you’re “fearless and true.”

6. December 12, 2009. But, if Auburn couldn’t beat Bama, at least they could dash their Heisman Trophy hopes. Holding Ingram in check in the Iron Bowl would surely steal Bama’s thunder in the race for sports’ most prestigious individual award. Nope. Mark Ingram becomes the first Alabama player to win the Heisman, and Aubies everywhere have to watch Pat Sullivan shake hands with his new fraternity brother. That picture will burn in a memory for a lifetime.

7. December 13, 2009 The hardest realization. As a barner, you’re inferior, but you’re not stupid. You’ve watched good football all your life, primarily because the University of Alabama shares the state with you, but you’ve even had a few flash-in-the-pan good seasons of your own at the expense of Alabama's downfall. Though attempts for self-brainwashing are somewhat successful, something eats at your conscience that you’re doing yourself a disservice. And no matter how hard you want to convince yourself that Mr. 12-24, Gene Chiznip can compete with three-time SEC Champion and soon to be two-time National Champion, Nick Saban, who now can now boast recruiting/producing a Heisman Trophy winner, you know Chiznip can’t. You know that “AUlmost” is as close as you can hope for. You know 7-5, 8-4 or MAYBE 9-3 (if the NCAA lets you schedule Furman twice) and a Florida bowl are about as good as you’ll do with Chiznip, while your big brother continues to play big boy football and shelve the hardware. But really, that’s not all that different than what you’ve experienced all your life. It’s an Auburn tradition. And doggone it, be proud of it.

8. January 7, 2010...And finally, Aubarn fans proclaimed even Saban couldn't revive this dead program. The game had passed us by and we will never field a championship team, ever again. Our time was over and there was NO WAY we'd ever be 1/4 of what we were during our most glorious years... On this night, Alabama, led by Nick Saban, once again silenced the Barnies wishful cries of "it won't happen" as he and his team defeated the Texas Longhorns, winning the BCS National Championship...

What is little man's syndrome?

It is ITA(AL)T...


Currently, out of 22 topics on the main page forum, 19 are Alabama topics...

SI article on why bama's title deserves an asterisk...

UATer told my 6yr old son his dad was a loser this morning

New Facebook status

OMG after a rough night this story makes my day...

New facebook status

Even they knew this one is tainted

Could Jerry Jones come after Saban?

Classless Saban running up the score after a secure win.

38 quarters without holding..

Now that the cheaters have shot their wad.

Why is Mark Ingrams dad some kind of hero

BCS Trophy To Be Displayed in t-town Walmart.....Saturday...arrive early...

All American Tiffin misses extra point = funny**

bammers cheated again

The hit on McCoy was illegal

Some USC fans dropping Sabans name as replacement coach if PC leaves

All in All I would rather be an 8-5 AUBURN Man than a Bammer

Ingram is a theif just like his daddy

Bama still sucks

AND...

The Corner of Wire Road and Slug!

Currently, out of 17 posts, 10 are Alabama topics...

Tebow 1: 1-2

WRAS picks the SEC Championship Game

Bammer of the week

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

What is SPUAT's deal with hats?

Got Asterisk?

McElroy digs deep and pulls out SPUAT's 8th* National Championship

Where else would it go?

Bammer of the week

ESPN polls regarding BCSMNC game

BARNIES OF THE YEAR!!!!!

The most prestigious AUbarnie award aka the Barnie of the year award goes to none other than........................


THE ALABAMMER DESECRATORZ!!!



All of us here at the AUbarnie wish to congratulate these guys on winning such an honorable award. Keep up the good work, Barnies!

To see the post mash here

And be sure to check out ALL of the most freaking awesome Barnies who won the weekly award throughout the year by clicking here.

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!!!

More proof that Alabammer's 12 are fake...

Bammer ain't got 12 so we gots more!!! GOT 1/2???

The Governor of Lee County has declared Thursday a special day...

Newly appointed governors of Lee County, Jed (left) and his lover Curtis (right) have a retaliation in mind for the Bammer-biased Governor Bob Riley after he proclaimed today to be "Mark Ingram Day", our two new governors have declared tomorrow to be...

"ENVY ALABAMMER DAY!!!"

That's right! As the front of Governor Jed's shirt says, "Come on down (to Lee County)" while the back reads, "and celebrate envy Alabammer day!"

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!

Barnie of the week!!!

The trailer park on wheels owner!!


This 100% pure Aubarn (AL) Man™ is the owner of the first ever trailer on wheels (and it's all Aubarn (AL) all orange) of which he flaunts proudly up and down the streets of Wire Road here in lovely Lee County.

This is state of the art and at the top of it's class. No trailer can hang with this beast! This bad boy is a monument here in Aubarn (AL), only falling third behind our Burger King and McDonald's!

Owning a trailer as awesome as this one can even get you laid by some of the more high-class barnies (those who live in double-wides) here in Aubarn (AL), as seen above.

GREAT TO BE AN AUBARN (AL) TIGGER!!! WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!!!

What is little man's syndrome?

No explanation needed!

I(ncomprehensible)-Man-Clause Speaks Out on the Bowl Season

I-Man Clause: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka the only undefeated Finebaum caller aka the only Santa Clause with black chest hair.

HO HO HO AND A BOTTLE OF RUM AND A BOTTLE OF RUM HO HO HO!!! HERE I AM LIIIIIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE NORTH POLE CONFEDERACY: I-MAN CLAUSE MY LITTLE ELF-LETTES!!!

YA KNOW, ALABAMMER CHEATED TO BEAT FLORIDA. THE REC PUT THEM IN PLACE TO BEAT FLORIDER, SETTING THEM UP ON THE GRANDEST STAGE AGAINST TEXAS (SOURCES HAVE ALREADY CONFIRMED IT). HOWEVER, TEXAS AIN'T NO UTAH... THEY'RE BETTER!! WAY BETTER IN FACT. IN FACT, TEXAS IS GONNA BEAT ALABAMMER SO BADLY, THOSE RENTED MULES WE GOTS THAT WE BEATS DOWN HERE IN COW TOWN WILL SEEM LIKE A MINI VACATION AT THE OPELIKA INN!!

SOURCES HAVE ALREADY CONFIRMED THE OFFICIALS IN THE GAME DECLINES THE REC'S CHANCES OF PAYING THEM TO LET ALABAMMER WIN, SO IT'S GONNA BE OOOOOONNNNN AND TEXAS IS GONNA DO TO ALABAMMER WHAT AUBARN (AL) WAS GONNA DO TO ALABAMMER BEFORE THE REC STEPPED IN (AND EVEN THOUGH THEY CHEATED, THEY STILL DIDN'T BLOW US OUT).

I FEEL AWFULLY BAD FOR ALABAMMER AT THIS TIME OF YEAR. TEXAS IS TEN STEPS BETTER THAN UTAH AND TEXAS IS GOING TO WHIP BAMMER THE WAY I WHIP THAT BOTTLE OF JACK EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!!!

WELL, IT'S TIME TO GET BACK TO MY REINDEERS CAUSE THEY ACTING A FOOL Y'ALL.

UNTIL NEXT YEAR, I-MAN CLAUSE OUT!!

YOU CAN CATCH ME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY ON THE FINEBAUM RADIO NETWORK EVERY MONDAY-FRIDAY!

Top Ten AU Moments of the Decade: Number 10

To honor the soon-to-be gone decade, which was filled with variety of sorts for Aubarn (AL), I'm putting together ten of the most glorious and notable moments of the decade (in no particular order) for Aubarn (AL). Hope y'all enjoy!!!

NUMBER 10:

JETGATE!!!

In a time, far, far ago, there existed two men: Tommy Tuberneck and Bob Peterno... and three other men: David Housel, William Walker Jr., and Bob Lowder... and of course, a beastly jet!

Combine this all together and you have jetgate!

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!!

Alabammer wins their first Heisman National Championship....

BUT WE STILL HAVE TWO HEISMAN NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPZ!!!!!

GOT TWO???

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!!!!

Aubarn (AL)'s 2009 team slogan...

FIRST IT WAS AUDACITY...

THEN IT WAS ATTITUDE...

NOW IT'S....

We Barnies feel your pain, Tebow.

It sucks losing National Championship games to Alabammer... we know! In fact, 3/4's of the AUtard nation don't even know what bowl we're playing in, but we damn sure know which one Alabammerz in!!

GOT SIX???

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!!!

What is little man's syndrome?

It is celebrating your greatest victory tradition over a completely different team's victory.

See date and time (after the Alabama/Florida game of 2008).

Aubarn (AL) receives invite to the Outback Bowl...

...and that's ironic considering we've got thousands of Aubarn (AL) grads working at Outback's all 'cross the country!

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!!

What is little man's syndrome?

Out of 12 games, it is scheduling your only bye week the week before the last game of the season.

New acronym?

Credit this to DennyChimes over at RollBamaRoll.com

Curious to know what AUBIE stands for?

Always

Under

Bama

In

Envy

IBNC Revyou: AUBARN (AL) WINS IRON BOWL (MORAL VICTORY) NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!

Coach Nick $atan congratulates Coach Gene Cheez-it on the Iron Bowl National Championship Moral Victory, Friday!

AUBARN (AL)'S BACK!!!!

And better than ever!!! Last Friday, Aubarn (AL) won their first ever Iron Bowl moral victory national championship of the decade and it couldn't have come at a better time as Always Under Bama In Envy won 21-26 against the almighty Nick $atan led Alabammer Tide.

Alabammer wanted that moral victory so bad...

But like my mommer always told me, "ya can't have everything you want!"

Mike Shuler, winner of four Iron Bowl National Championship Moral Victories.

Mike Shula dedicated today's trophy to his worthy Moral Victory successor, Gene Cheez-it. Mike Shula was the previous owner of three Iron Bowl National Championship moral victory trophies (2003: 23-28, 2004: 13-21, and 2006: 15-22), but that Alabammer reign came to an end on Friday.

Even Nick $atan wanted the trophy in 2007 (17-10), but he hadn't quite established himself as a worthy head coach the way Cheez-it and Shuler had.

G-Mac tells C-Todd, "Don't be unhappy, moral victories are better than an actual victory to these losers!"


I'll have more coming throughout the week...

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY AND WAR DAMN IRON BOWL MORAL VICTORY NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP HEY!!!

Iron Bowl National Championship Prediction Time!!!

Courtesy of the finest Aubarn (AL) Men and Women....

I(ncomprehensible)-Man

HEY... HEY... HEY... IT'S ME! I-MAN DOGZ COMING AT YOU LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY!!!! THE BAMMERZ ARE GONNA GET BEATEN SO BAD, THEY'LL BE BEGGING THE NCAA TO GO AHEAD AND LEND THEM AN EARLY DEATH PENALTY AND $ATAN WILL BE HEADED FOR NOTRE DAME!!! I'LL HAVE MY POST-IRON BOWL NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP
THOUGHTS IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE GAME!!!

Lovely Linda

Awbarn will win 970-(-940) and Tommy Tuberville will hit two grandslams and
Jason Campbell will hit for the cycle. I also predict coach Mike Franchione to
strike out at least twice at bat... by the way any of y'all got any spare change
you'd like to contribute to my meth out of gas fund?

Marlboro Man

Should be another classic Iron Bowl COUGH COUGH national championship match, but I predict COUGH COUGH Awwwbar, Alabamur to pull it off in the COUGH COUGH end.

Charles From Reeltown

I'm gone be at the Iron Bowl National Championship and you'd best believe I'm
gone give every Alabammer fan there a country boy ass whippin' from hell like
they've never seen before. That damn yankee John From Huntsville's... I gots a
little sumthin for him too! I'm gone whoop y'all worse than Aubarn, Alabammer's
gonna do your weakling little Alabammer football team so you know it's gonna be
bad. Aubarn, Alabammer will win the Iron Bowl National Championship then because we beat y'all as bad as we do it automatically advances us into the BCS National Championship game to play and beat the cow dust out of Texas. WAR EAGLE!!!

Dale... ME!!!

My predictions are gonna be a little more rationale... I predict Mark
Ingram to have negative rushing yardage because this is the best defense he'll
face all year. I also predict Ben Tate, the best back in the state of
Maryland Alabammer to have more rushing yards than
Alabammer's offense does as a whole. I also predict Alabammer's defence to
surrender over 900+ yards to Aubarn (AL)'s high powered offense as Alabammer's
defense just ain't that good. Final prediction: UA 0 - A(AL)U 78 (we put our
third string in midway through the first quarter).

How 'bout a few more predictions courtesy of our very own Bammer Desecrators?

What is little man's syndrome?

It is Ben Tate's remarkable quote...

"I know I'm the best back in the state," Tate said. "I bet if you went and broke down film and asked teams in the SEC who is the best back in the state, I mean I feel like it's me."