Monday, November 2, 2009

Old Misses Review: The Rebelz got nutted on...

...by Cheez-nuts and Aubarn (AL)!!


SPLAT!!!!!


AUBARN (AL)'S BACK IN BUSINESS BITCHES!!!

Coach Cheez-it said his main goal upon his arrival in the lovely Lee County was to beat Coach Tubby's former team, Ole Misses, to show that even he could beat Ole Misses in his first year at Aubarn (AL). He said the last three weeks were simply a trap to set Ole Misses up.... and it worked perfectly!

COACH CHEEZ-IT'S A GENIUS!




Next up on the docket is Furman, a prime-time opponent which will serve as a tough task for Lord Cheez-it (because they're so bad-ass we decided to play them instead of UCLA), but never fear we will prevail and I assure each and every Barnie in Lee County that we will dominate the perennial powerhouse known as Furman convincingly!

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!!


Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween from the AUbarnie!

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!!!

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!


"Monster Mash" music video starring: Dale (moi), I-Man, Otis Franklin, Charles from Reeltown, and Coach Gene Cheez-it!!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Panic time for Barnies? NOT JUST YET...

WE CAN SURVIVE A WEEK WITHOUT ALABAMMER FOOTBALL!!!

Alabammer may have a bye week, but there's still hope and here's why....

Folks, I know Opelika is in a severe state of panic right now due to the fact that Alabammer's not playing tomorrow, and we as Barnies can't go a second without us some Alabammer, specially on Saturdays, but not all hope is lost...

Tomorrow, Aubarn (AL) is playing Ole Misses for those of you who didn't know. Now I know it's not Alabammer, but it's fourth-best at the max!!

Sure, maybe we can't hope and pray all day long prior to kick-off that Alabammer's opponent will defeat them, nor can we disect the game pointing out that the refs are on Bammer's side, nor can we point out how many times $atan drops the F-bomb on the sideline, nor can we fantasize all day long about wishing we could be them for a day laugh cause Bammer ain't us, but even we need to rest up on the Alabammer obsession every now and again...

And look on the bright side, Alabammer is playing LSYOU next weekend so they'll be back and we can focus back on them, and put Aubarn (AL) behind us!

So there ain't no need to panic... Alabammer will be back soon enough!

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!!!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

BARNIES OF THE WEEK.... HALLOWEEN EDITION!!!!

To honor the great Barnie Halloween tradition, and seeing how we're less than a week away from Halloween, this week's Barnie of the Week award goes to...


THE FRATERNITY KLANSMEN OF AUBARN (AL)!!





Aubarn (AL) is prominently known for it's virulent racism, and we as Barnies take pride in that -- hence being known as "the last college in America to still have a plantation mentality". Whether it's denying coaches the job who are of any other color than white (trash), denying bar entry to those who are of any other color than white (trash), or treating those who are of any other color than white (trash) like pieces of meat, we as Barnies can take pride in being ranked number 1 in yet another category!! HAHAHAHAHA BAMMERS, YOU HEAR THAT??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!


Monday, October 26, 2009

LSYOU Fans got it right...

...'cause we're proud to be Alabammer rejects!



WAR DAMN ALABAMMER REJECTS HEY!

BREAKING NEWS: Inside The Aubarn (AL) TIgerz Reports Bammer IS behind the Aubarn (AL) referee conspiracy!!!

Source (must have a Scout.com account to view)


Looks like I(ncomprehensible)-Man was right!


Folks, what you about to read is the truth. We're talking UFO, Bigfoot, and Aubarn (AL) winning the national championship in '09 truth!!! Enjoy...


"The zebras have hammered Auburn for three straight games, and while many calls were earned, just as many were bogus--and much more destructive than the earned ones. That is unprecedented in all my years of watching SEC football. The very fact that the SEC office all but admitted corruption by saying the "call wasn't there" last week in the Ark -FL game (and then suspending the refs), convinces me of the obvious--the problem is conference-wide, if not NCAA-wide. In this day and age of hard times and economic insecurity, there are many obvious motives to tamper with the games. The most hard to believe motive, however, sould be that in our case the Red Elephants DO NOT WANT AU to succeed with what might be an incredible recruiting class. Call me whatever you want. I don't give a damm, but I've never seen such purposeful calls AGAINST a specific team, and would say so if the target were Alabama or Tennessee. And while you are riding your high horse and shouting "bl;ack helicopters," stop for just a moment to explain to me why this has been going on the past three weeks. One thing's for sure, no matter how you do it, put early legal pressure on a team and in a game of talented athletes critical plays, and you can orchestrate outcome. It' ain't, as they say, rocket science.Alabama may well be the only program in the country that would go so far, but when you have them on retainer, they might as well earn their $$ when you aren't playing. Again, I don't give a rat's rear end what anybody thinks, but this is new ground even for SEC refs. -Mrkgreen"



"So what will happen with #2??

 

We can overcome #1, but unless there is some investigation not #2. -AUdreamer"



"There has never been any thing that resembles what passes for SEC officiating.  While I have zero proof, I cannot help believe my own eyes. Cheating is the word that applies. The University of Alabama (the corruption goes all the way to the top) will do anything to win and to damage Auburn.  They are a mafia type organization, and they have people in high places who are mafia connected.  I've said it before and I will say it again, if they will pay $200,000 for a fat defensive lineman from Memphis, who else will they pay?  There are also other ways to affect people's actions other than bribes.  Pressure can be brought in many ways.  The SEC will do nothing.  If the NCAA doesn't act, nothing will change. -CaptainWonderful"



"Penny wise and dollar foolish. Perhaps. They may kill the golden goose yet. But unless the fan base turns its nose to pre-determined outcomes, you are right. People love their fantasies. -Mrkgreen"



"I would happily donate $10K towards private investigators if something really came of it - I kid you not.  And I can afford it. -AUdreamer"



"Although I've disagreed with some of your positions in the past, we are in total agreement  on point #2. Many of our fans, particularly the younger ones, have no idea the lengths bama will go to to not only insure the success of their program, but the failure of ours -BigAquila"



"I really, really hate to admit this, Mark, but I have felt the same way about #2.  alabama was having a GREAT first half of the season, and the story (at least where I am) was Auburn, Chizik, Trooper Towels, get on the Gus Bus, etc.  There was big time momentum in recruiting.  Big Cat weekend, Tiger Prowl, etc. didn't "scare" anybody, but it sent a message that this staff came to play - and they have.  One alabama HS coach (who is also an alabama fan) was quoted as saying he had not seen much of AU coaches in the last couple years, "but Luper and Trooper are EVERYWHERE!"  (he didn't use those names exactly, they are under bama's skin so bad that they have 'earned' nicknames, but that is who he was talking about).


 

They had to find a way to help stop it.  To  kill the momentum.


 

Knowing how they operate, I believe they decided after the AU-West Virginia game that enough was enough, and the wheels were turning.  Don't forget, these officials do have regular jobs.  This is not their primary job.


 

I am telling you they want to BURY us off the field and leave nothing to chance.  For some reason - even with a rock star head coach - they are not satisfied with good old 'mano y mano' competition on and off the field.  Despite perception, Auburn has more than held its own when all things were 'equal'.  They want to leave nothing to chance. TIGRRR"



"Point #2 isdead on!!! I have never seen so many zebra flags against AU that were flat out fraud.

 

Notice every single time UT crossed the bammer 30; there was a flag? -theagent39"



"The first thing I said was that I have zero proof.  Secondly it would be very difficult to prove.  Cash handled properly does not leave a paper trail, and their are other ways of motivating, including threats and blackmail.  I am not just talking about Auburn playing poorly either.  Did you see the Florida - Arkansas game?  I cannot go out and investigate.  I have neither the means or the knowhow.  Neither am I Sherlock Holmes, Thomas Magnum, or Jim Rockford.  Believe what you want, but open your eyes and observe. -CaptainWonderful"



"... the truth is that there were at least 5 or 6 KEY penalties that were called against us OR not called against LSU that were the difference between a close game and a 21-point loss.  The craziest thing I saw was early in the game they called our DB for "unneccessary roughness". OK fine, so I guess the refs are being overly protective of the players. But later in the 2nd quarter an LSU DB not only led with his helmet, he hit Blake helmet-to-helmet... but no call???? And that was just one no-call/bad call out of at least 5 or 6 others.  It boggles the mind. Had the refs not blown so many calls, I think the chances are great that the score would have been tied 7-7 at halftime.  No doubt we would have played better had we been tied rather than being down 17-0. -FrostyMuggs"



"I agree with everything stated in the original post. -AUTE91"



"This is hardlly just about Auburn.  An undefeated bama vs an underfeated Florida in the SEC championship game will produce huge dollars.  It's really pretty simple. -CaptainWonderful"



"yes our team is bad, but if anyone thinks bammer would not do what Mark Green and other people suggested with the refs, then you are living in a bubble.  Bammer is the most corrupt program ever.  They declared war on Auburn after the 6 in a row.  They will do whatever it takes. -autiger288"



"I try not to get to caught up in conspiracy theories and all that with refs and their bad calls, but for whatever reason they sure have stunk something terrible the last few games, all AU loses. -bcox4life"


ITA(AL)T does have a point! It was the officiating that cost us the nail-biter Saturday night... and why? Eight simple letters: BAMMER!


Sources Bobby From Homewood, Alabammer and I(ncomprehensible)-Man are reporting Alabama will be receiving a PLOI in three weeks and they will receive the death penalty plus all of their male fans will be castrated for this!

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY AND WAR DAMN DEATH PENALTY HEY!


Sunday, October 25, 2009

LSYOU REVIEW: No smoking cigars this year, boys!!!


The road to the national championship is starting to look a lot like these backroads over here in Lee County!

Looks like the real Tigerz of the SEC just caught us at a bad moment...

Some fans weren't too happy with Coach Gene Cheez-it's joke this time around...

Coach Gene Cheez-it (prominently known for his knee-slapping comedic skills and joke pulling) announced Saturday after the game that he was just kidding about winning the national championship. He said our real goal this year was to win the SEC title!

We've already ordered our maps so that we can find our way to Atlanter!

But in other (and better) news... HAHAHAHAHAHA ALABAMMER, WE SCORED MORE POINTS AGAINST TENNURSEE THAN YAL'L DID!!! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Next week, it's the Navy Nightmare game against Old Myss!

As if spending an entire day in Lee County wasn't nightmarish enough!

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY...

Friday, October 23, 2009

Alabammer's 12 National Championships Are Fake...

This Bammer who made this stoopid video is just too stoopid to understand the non-stoopid facts (but kudos for giving a shout-out to the AUbarnie!!!)!




HAHAHAHAHA ALABAMMER! YAL'L DON'T HAVE 
TWELVE NASHUNAL CHAMPONCHIPS!! HAHAHAHA!!

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!! GOT SIX IN A ROW?

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

PROOF: ALABAMMER CHEATS! PROOF! PROOF! PROOF!


You Bammers say you want proof? WELL HERE IT IS!!!!



There has been an extreme rash of duct tape stealin' going on here in Lee County. That's my girlfriends sun pictured in the above photo, sporting the last of the duct tape here in Lee County as duct tape can be used for anything... even a diaper!


TOLD YAL'L ALABAMMER CHEATS!

Well folks, not only does Alabammer cheat, but they're a bunch of cheating, lying, thieves as well! I think we know who the Lee County Duct Tape Bandit is... IT'S LEIGH TIFFIN!

A local here in the AU trailer park told reporters several weeks back that she saw Leigh Tiffin running around the trailer park... and it looks like she was right! "I saw Leigh Tiffin running around like a chicken with his head cut off. He impregnated me. We have a child. Our child is Beonce" Gale Jimboson from Wire Road Lot East told reporters two weeks ago. What was he doing running around OUR TRAILER PARKS? Answer: stealing duct tape and impregnating our beautiful women! What's he using the duct tape for? Spotting the mark of the ball WHICH IS CHEATING! CHEATING! CHEATING! I TOLD YALL THEY WERE CHEATERS AND THIS IS THE PROOF!!!

Sources Incomprehensible-Man and Bobby from Homewood, Alabammer are reporting that Alabama is now facing lawsuits from Aubarn (AL) and is also facing yet another death penalty for this and the walls are closing in as they are expected to receive the death penalty sometime this week, before the Alabammer/Tennursee game. It's too bad they won't get to see us shit-can them this year!

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY! AND WAR DAMN CHEATERS NO!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

LSYOU Week Begins!

Just remember my fellow, Barnies... COONASS IS AN EVIL WORD! NICK $ATAN ORIGINATED THE SLANG TERM, THEREFORE WE DO NOT SAY IT!
Participating in the saying of the word "Coonass" is against Aubarn Man guidelines! Why? CAUSE NICK $ATAN SAID IT DAMNIT!!! THAT'S FREAKING WHY!



WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!! LSYOU -6  AUBARN (AL) 328!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Anti-Barnie of the week!

WAR DAMN (BAMMER) BANDWAGONER!


I(ncomprehensible)-Man's Thoughts on Aubarn (AL)'s Mid-Way Point

I-Man: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka
the only undefeated Finebaum caller.

FUCK THE INTRODUCTION TODAY I'M CUTTING STRAIGHT TO MY POINT...

BAMMER CHEATS. PLAIN AND SIMPLE!

I HAVE SOME INSIDE SOURCES WHO CURRENTLY WORK FOR THE NCAA (WHO I USED TO INSTALL AIR CONDITIONING UNITS FOR) AND THEY ARE TELLING ME ALABAMMER IS CURRENTLY UNDER INVESTIGATION FOR PAYING THE REF'S TO MAKE SURE THAT AUBARN (AL) LOSES. IT'S TWO WEEKS IN A ROW THAT THOSE DIRTY CHEATIN' NO GOOD BASTERDS HAVE SCREWED US OVER AND SOON THEY WILL PAY FOR IT.

ALABAMMER IS NOW FACING THREE DEATH PENALTIES AND LOUISVILLE IS IN TALKS OF REPLACING ALABAMMER IN THE SEC AFTER THE DOORS ON THEIR PROGRAM ARE SHUT FOR ALL ETERNITY.

AUBARN (AL) IS TAKING SERIOUS MEASURES TO PREVENT ALABAMMER FROM GETTING TO THE REF'S IN BATON ROOOOJE BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE BY PAYING THEM TO IGNORE THE BAMMERS IN ADVANCE. THE REF'S DIDN'T HESITATE TO TAKE THE MONEY AS THEY LAUGHED THEIR ASSES OFF WHEN WE HANDED IT TO THEM. WHAT WAS SO FUNNY TO THOSE IDIOTS, I HAVE NO IDEA, BUT AT LEAST WE KNOW BAMMER AIN'T GONNA GET TO THEM THIS WEEK!

UNTIL NEXT TIME... I-MAN.... OUT! CATCH ME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY ON THE FINEBAUM RADIO NETWORK MONDAY-FRIDAY!


Sunday, October 18, 2009

Despite loss to Kenterky Fried Chicken, Aubarn (AL) is still the best team in the land!

Coach Gene Cheez-it (10-21) calls up Turner Gill for advice.

"They cheated. We prepared all week for Mike Hartline but instead they start the back-up QB. What a bunch of cheaters... Bammer was behind this I know it! They're cheaters too. In fact they cheat in every facet of the game. They'll cheat to win. They'll cheat to make others lose. Hell, they'll cheat just to get a good laugh."

 Just remember folks, if LSYOU can win the national championship with two losses against Kentucky and Arkansaw... then why can't we?

But on the bright side... HAHAHAHAHA ALABAMMER YOU ALMOST LOST TO SOUTH CAROLINA!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! YOU ALMOST LOST TO SOUTH CAROLINA!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!!! BRING ON THE CORNDAWGS!!!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Q&A session with a Bammer

You dumb-ass bammer, why on earth would you want your favorite player to marry your ex-girlfriend? I just don't understand how one could be so S-T-U-P-I-D to understand why you did this? Unfortunately, the bammer featured in the above picture ain't the bammer I was able to conduct an interview with.


My fellow Barnies, I am about to make history by crossing certain boundaries that no other Aubarn (AL) fan has ever done before... If you're a true Aubarn (AL) Man then you can relate to what I'm about to ask the others. Have you ever wondered what it's like to be a bammer? Have you ever wondered what goes through the empty minds of those half-brained bammers? Have you ever wondered what makes their delusions so believable to them? Well... your ole' boy Dale here managed to snag your average, everyday bammer off the street and convince him into doing a one-on-one interview with the AUbarnie. Even though he wasn't as cooperative as I had intended, I still managed to use my super-human sociology skills that I adopted from my Aubarn (AL) professors (even though I've yet to show up one single day for class, but I still gots my degree!) to exploit this bammer, revealing the deepest, darkest secrets and/or basically answering the life-long Barnie question: What makes Alabammer fans tick?

Now read and see how this bammer gets OWNED!

Enjoy...


AUBARNIE: All Alabammer fans seem to talk about is Bear Bryant and the past. Why is that?

BAMMER: And all Aubarn (AL) fans seem to talk about is Alabama. Why is that?

__________________________________________________________________



AUBARNIE: According to bammers, y'all have 12 National Championships, but according to my sources, they are all fake. Why is that?

BAMMER: Logic vs. logic, how are AP and UPI titles fake? That's like 30 years from now someone of a lesser program claiming BCS Championships are fake after a new determining factor debuts into the game of college football.

AUBARNIE: But not all of your titles were recognized by the AP or UPI poll. In fact, in the 20s and 30s, you claim 4 titles and all of the polls that recognized you as champions didn't debut until years later.

BAMMER: Perhaps you should ignore what your clueless source tells you and do the research yourself. History lessen 101: Prior to the AP/UPI era, the Rose Bowl was indeed the championship game for college football and whoever won the Rose Bowl was deemed "champions of the universe". In 1925 - keep in mind this was long before polls recognized teams as national champions - the University of Alabama had its first undefeated season and gave up only seven points. Alabama was the first "southern-American" team to be invited to play in what is now the most historic bowl in college football. Still, no Southern team—Alabama included—had earned enough respect to get an invitation to the Rose Bowl in Pasadena.

Schools back east, reeling from criticism that they were sacrificing academics at the expense of athletics, declined to play in the game. So bowl officials reluctantly booked a game everyone knew would be a blow-out to earn a team outside of the south another National Championship victory: a weak Alabama team against the mighty Washington Huskies.
But instead, Alabama upset Washington, stunning the nation, and causing a mass celebration throughout the south as this game is forever known as "the game that changed the south". In nearly every town the team’s train passed through on the trip back to Tuscaloosa Southerners struck up brass bands and hailed the conquering heroes. And since you inbreds seem to be proud "confederates" maybe you guys should try and contact one of your ancestors through a seance and have them tell you all about it. And by the way, every title recognized up until the introduction of the AP/UPI era were all undefeated Rose Bowl victories which continued to help keep the south on the map.

AUBARNIE: Excuses, excuses, excuses... Well what about the bogus AP titles when y'all lost your bowl game?

BAMMER: The same AP title that recognizes us as champions prior to us losing our bowl game was the same poll that recognized you guys as champions in 1957 and guess what? You guys didn't even play in a bowl that season due to NCAA probation. Allow me to repeat myself:
perhaps you should ignore what your clueless source tells you and do the research yourself. History lessen 101: Prior to the later part of the decade AFTER the AP poll debuted, bowl games were considered exhibition games and national champions were awarded at the season's end, which explains how and why we won the title before losing our bowl and how you idiots won the title without even playing in a bowl.

Somewhat think about it as the way conferences once (and a lot still do today) awarded their champions by doing it toward the end of the season (for those who do not have conference championship games).

AUBARNIE: Lies, lies, lies! Well what about the years y'all supposedly won the title when you clearly weren't the best team in the nation?

BAMMER: What about the years USC (1939, 1967, 1974, 1978, and 2003), Notre Dame (1943, 1946, 1966, and 1977), and several other teams (including the 2007 LSU team) won the national title when they clearly weren't the best team in the nation? And if Alabama just claimed outright bogus titles, then why don't we claim one for every undefeated season we've posted? Maybe because the AP/UPI poll did not RECOGNIZE US THOSE YEARS!

AUBARNIE: We ain't talking about other teams, we're talking about BAMMER DAMNIT - NOR OR WE TALKING ABOUT YOUR FAKE UNCLAIMED TITLES TOO! But moving on...

BAMMER: Another topic worth discussing, what about your bogus SEC titles? You know, prior to the SEC indicting a championship game, teams won the league title by who had the most SEC wins of those particular years. In 1988, you guys claim an SEC title, yet your sharing partner (LSU) had MORE SEC VICTORIES THAN YOU GUYS DID! And in 1989, your sharing partner ALABAMA had MORE SEC VICTORIES THAN YOU GUYS DID! And tell me what's up with you guys hanging up SEC Western Division banners when you guys LOST the tie-breaker game that year?

AUBARNIE: Lies... ALL LIES! CHANGE OF SUBJECT...

__________________________________________________________________

AUBARNIE: Your university awards it's student athletes with free text-books, aren't you ashamed of that?

BAMMER: And your university awards it's student athletes with free class credits... without even having to turn in one paper or even show up for that matter. Aren't you ashamed of that.

AUBARNIE: AGAIN... MORE LIES! I'm NOT a student-athlete and I'M EARNING MYSELF A FREE DEGREE WITHOUT HAVING TO ATTEND CLASS!

__________________________________________________________________


AUBARNIE: You guys cheat. You guys were just busted for cheating for the third time in 15 years. Don't you think that's pathetic.

BAMMER: And aren't you guys tied for second as being the most penalized team in the nation? Talk about scandalous and controversies, let's not forget "jet-gate", "sociology", and "refusing to hire a coach due to his race". Tell me why playing catch-up has to be so dirty for you guys?

__________________________________________________________________


AUBARNIE: How does it feel having the best team money can buy?

BAMMER: Well... we recently lost a commitment to you guys--

AUBARNIE: HAHAHAHAHA! YOU LOST A COMMITMENT TO US! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAH! HAHAHA! HA HA ALABAMMER! HA HA HA!

BAMMER: ANYWAY... logic vs. logic once again, if we pay players to come play for us, then how much did you guys pay Sanders to cancel his commitment to Alabama in order to come play for you guys. Also, concerning all of the freshman players who left Alabama during the offseason, could you ask your "source" if he knows whether or not they turned back in their keys to their Aston Martins, Hummers, Carnival Cruise Boats, Mansions, and Disney World?

AUBARNIE: I'll find out and let you know soon concerning the question of course though I can tell you for certain The Cheez-it Effect had something to do with it... But I also would like to remind you that HAHAHHAHA YOU LOST A COMMITMENT TO US! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

__________________________________________________________________


AUBARNIE: How does it feel know you've lost the Iron Bowl National Championship to us six consecutive times from 2002-2007; four consecutive times from 1986-1989, and five consecutive times in the 1950s?

BAMMER: What the hell is an Iron Bowl National Championship?

AUBARNIE: THE IRON BOWL STUPID!

BAMMER (after a brief moment of silence with a blank stare): How does it feel to have an all-time Iron Bowl.... "national championship" losing record?

AUBARNIE: STOP LIVING IN THE PAST YOU DAMN BAMMER!

__________________________________________________________________

AUBARNIE: What does an elephant have to do with Crimson Tide and/or Roll Tide and what exactly is a Crimson Tide?

BAMMER: A "Crimson Tide" is basically a far more original and unique name than a played-out... Tiger, of which every other other high school and college in America shares. What does it have to do with an elephant? Well what does a duck have to do with a Hurricane? What does a Hound Dog have to do with a Volunteer? What does a Ram have to do with a Tar Heel? What does a Bird have to do with a Cyclone? But most importantly... What does a War Eagle have to do with a Tiger?


__________________________________________________________________


AUBARNIE: How does it feel knowing Nick $atan's gonna leave y'all for another job after the either the South Carolina game, Iron Bowl National Championship, or right before signing day?

BAMMER: And how does it feel to know Gus will be leaving you for a better job opportunity at the season's end?

__________________________________________________________________


AUBARNIE: What's it like not having two Heisman winners like us, HAHAHAHAHA WE GOT TWO HEISMAN WINNERS AND Y'ALL DON'T... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

BAMMER: What's it like honestly believing two Heisman winners equals two national championships?

__________________________________________________________________

AUBARNIE: Well Bammer, this pretty much concludes are interview. Thanks for lending the AUbarnie your time. WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY AND HAHAHAHAHAHA YOU LOST A RECRUIT TO US! HAHAHAHAHA! Oh AND YOU DON'T HAVE TWO HEISMAN NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP WINNERS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHA!









Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Antonio Coleman: Another character filled and classy Aubarn (AL) player

Oooooooops... there goes another one!

At The Polytechnic Institute, recruiting rankings and stars don't matter to us. All that matters to us is class (see Barnie of the week below), character and academics, and earning a degree without having to take one test, or even show up for class for that matter -- which is what this post is all about.

"I don't look at the stat sheets," Coleman said. "Coach (Tracy) Rocker, he doesn't look at the stat sheet. If you want to look at grades, go over to Haley Center (a campus academic building) and get your grades....It's about ballin'. You have to get out there and make plays and fly around and have fun. If you want to get all these grades and stuff, go to school to get your grades."

Heck... I'm surprised Mr. Coleman even knows where an academic center on campus is! I surely hope he's awarded two degrees just for that!

But anyway, why would anyone care about grades here at coloring book U when they're not a priority? Why would they be when work or attendance is not required to pass a class?

Mr. Coleman, who didn't have a single tackle against Arkansaw (thanks to the cheating bammers) met with Coach Cheez-it to discuss a new defensive game-plan going into the Kentucky game. They're relationship between each other is indeed way past platonic and now it appears Mr. Coleman wears the pants in the relationship!

Enough of the rambling though... the moral of this post is to prove to the world that we, unlike other schools in this state, don't care about recruiting rankings and star power. It's all about class, character, academics, and earning a degree without having to take one test, or even show up to class for that matter. Antonio Coleman is a fine representation of that fact and I'm glad he stuck around (even though the main reason he stayed ended up bolting for Tuscalooser).

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!

BARNIE OF THE WEEK!!!!

This week's award goes to none other than...

THE BLOG-OWNER OF THIS BLOGSITE:
http://bammersucksballs.blogspot.com/

This highly intelligent (and overly literate) Barnie most definitely received his degree from the college land of the free (free class credits that is). His brilliant posts range from "Bout to crack open one of these babes (includes a Natural Light image)" to "If bammers don't like what I'm saying come get me cause as always I'm ready to beat some bammers down".

This barnie declined to do an exclusive one on one interview with the Aubarnie, nor did he agree to sending me a pic to place right beside his Barnie of the week award. But my sources (the same sources who tell you and I that Bammer will lose every week and they cheat and the NCAA is preparing to shut their program down for good and we all know how accurate they are) snagged a sneak peek at who the brain behind Bammer Sucks Balls is:

...but due to legal reasons, we could not show his face. :-(

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

Aubarn (AL) vs. Arkansaw Conspiracy...

Coach Gene Cheez-it didn't say anything about Arkansas in the pre-season... nor did he say anything about Aubarn (AL) losing either!

BREAKING NEWS: Aubarn (AL) sources are reporting that the NCAA is investigating Alabammer on possibly another infraction committed by the Turd as of today. The infraction occurred last Saturday in Arkansaw's stadium as it's being reported Alabammer illegally paid off the ref's to single-handedly make Aubarn (AL) lose the game.

Alabammer is basically up shit creek without a paddle on this one as they are facing the death penalty YET AGAIN (and check out this informative post on Alabammer's death penalty). They were so scared of Aubarn (AL) that they done had to gone off and stoop so low. But what do you expect from bammerz?

Aubarn (AL) out-performed the second-best offensive unit in the country (second to ours of course) -- yet we still lose 'cause of those cheating bammerz paying those cheating ref's.

It's okay. Karma is a beotch and I can already tell ya it don't like Alabammer.

Despite all the controversy, Aubarn (AL) lucked up as Heisman caliber quarterback, Mike Hartline won't be playing for Kentucky next week when he faces Aubarn (AL)'s highly explosive defense. Is he playing hokie?

But if we lose Saturday, I'm sure Alabammer will play a big factor in it. But don't worry my fellow Barnies, we'll soon be basking in the glory of their demise for all the cheating they're doing!

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!

Friday, October 9, 2009

BARNIE OF THE WEEK!

JUST ANOTHER CLASSY, DOWN HOME, AUBARN (AL) MAN™!

This one comes equipped with a beeper, Coors Light, and killer mullet!

I(ncomprehensible) Man eat your heart out!

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!

Aubarn (AL) PLOWS Tennersee in route to a 26-22 victory!

Even Layla's super-human powers weren't enough to stop Aubarn (AL)!
WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY! Last Saturday, Aubarn (AL) held off one of the nation's most prestigious teams (second to us of course) in the fourth quarter. It was a heated battle from start to finish, but the greatest coach, team, playerz, and fans won in the end!
Aubarn (AL)'s highly touted defense held UT's high-powered offense and Heisman caliber quarterback to just 410 yards of total offense and only 22 points!

Looks like The Wonder Douche, Lame Kiffin wasn't enough for Cheez-it and company!

_______________________________________________________________
*MELTDOWN TIME*
Courtesy of RollBammerRoll's Metldown Time Post.

"This team couldn't beat Bama in Tuscaloosa with the 2001 defense."

"I am ready for a new offensive coordinator."

"I am FREAKIN' SICK AND TIRED OF LOSING TO AUBURN. It is ridiculous to lose to that program this many times. They are not, and never have been, the program that UT is, yet they lead us in the head to head series by SIX GAMES! It is infuriating as hell."


"who would wager that we don't win another game this year?"


"I've switched to Jack Daniels... just can't take it anymore!!"


"It is not going to happen guys. I agree with you 100% but Kiffin is muleheaded. Monty didn't beat his a$$ enough when he was a kid."


"KIFFIN IN WAY OVER HIS HEAD"


"I have been supportive up until now. I am a season ticket holder and i have spent tens of thousands of dollars on tickets and travel since i graduated back in 1994. This is the worst offensive game plan i have ever seen...worst than last years BS!!! Kiffin needs to man up and be a man put that piece of crap QB on the bench. It is not right to the other players and to fans to endure this anymore. Kiiffin is taking the easy way out and not trying to win games which is disutingly arrogant on his part. GIVESOMEBODY ELSE A CHANCE TO WIN THE FREAKIN GAME....ANYONE CAN COACH THREE AND OUT. NOT ACCEPTABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


"LET ME ASK YOU HOW MUCH MONEY IF ANY YOU SPEND ON THE VOLS? THAT SHOULD ANSWER YOUR QUESTION FOR YOU? IF YOU WENT TO UCLA LAST YEAR AND THIS YEAR? DID YOU TRAVEL TO THE FLA, AUBURN, BAMA GAMES LAST YEAR? HAVE YOU SPENT A DIME ON THIS UNVERSITY? IF YES YOU CAN RESPOND HOW YOU LIKE...IF YOU SIT ON YOU AZZZ EVERY WEEKEND YOU HAVE NO VOICE. I LIKE KIFFIN, JUST PROOVE STEPHENS CAN'T PLAY???"


"I agree the WR are horrible at best .... but good lord man ... your 10 year old could make half of those throws too."


"You have to feel bad for Berry.


Probably the best individual player we've had since Peyton (with apologies to Jamal, Haynesworth, and Henderson) and he will more than likely leave school with a combined 1 victory vs Fla, Bama, UGA, Auburn, & LSU."


"But whippin in every aspect of the game."


"Love Monty Kiffin (jury still out on his son) but even the great Monty was outcoached by a not too long ago H.S. coach. Auburn guys in space most of the night."


"This season is over."
_______________________________________________________________

Some of the literacy in the above quotes sounds like Barnies! Anyway, Gene Cheez-it has officially defeated who was believed to be his equal in terms of sheer greatness!

We got the Hogs tomorrow, but if Bammer can beat them... our game will be over after the first quarter!


WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Nick $atan's at it again...

Nick $atan, the evil, dirty, cheating, selfish, no good sunavabitch recently sent flowers to the family of a fallen Lee County officer who was killed in the line of duty.
He probably done it as a publicity stunt as all of us Barnies know he's an evil man who cares nothing about other people, his family, his fans, his players, and at times, even himself.
Just for this, I hate Nick $atan even more...

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

UT fans compliment Aubarn (AL) despite the fact they hate us so much....

From VolNation (the compliments are in bold)

Dear Auburn,
With your football contest against my alma mater now less than a week away, I feel this is an appropriate time for me to remind you of my feelings for you. I hate you. I hate your backward little cow college. I hate your players, coaches, students, administrators, fans, alumni, janitors, and cafeteria workers. I hate your multiple mascots. I hate you to the point I root for both Alabama and Al Qaeda VAnDERbuilte and Georgier against you. I hate the fact your supporters, with their cow feces caked work boots, will be allowed inside Neyland Stadium next week. I hate you to the point that I have rooted for Texas to defeat you. I hate you so viciously that I don't even root for you against Vanderbilt, I simply hope the ground opens up and swallows both teams and their supporters. I hate you enough to hope you go winless and scoreless every season.

I hope this clears up any ambiguity about my thoughts regarding your institution and its supporters. Have a nice day.

Sincerely,
Hatvol96

Backwards little cow college? Multiple mascot? Barnies sporting their cow feces caked work boots? Man, UT may hate us, but they show all the hospitality in the world by complimenting us!

_______________________________________________________________
OTHER NOTABLE QUOTES:
"Why wouldn't I hate a bunch of semiliterate farm trash?"

"Calling them what they are does give me a modicum of joy."

"Alabama fans are Harvard material compared to the mouthbreathers from The Plains."

"A lot of my friends are Auburn fans and they act like AU is the best school on the face of the planet, even though they have never been as good as Tennessee, Alabama, or even Georgia Tech."

"The trolls will be here soon enough. I have already seen them on TD proclaiming they should be ranked, Ut is next to be "chizzed", and throwing out stats to proclaim their "greatness". Other SEC fans are pointing out their schedule thus far, but it seems to fall on deaf ears."

"I don't know is the ears are deaf, but if they're attached to Auburn fans they are most definitely dumb."

"I remember when we played them in B'ham.I remember 1969 when we put the artificial turf in Neyland and Slug Jordan whined like a baby. He also whined until he got Miss State's cowbells banned.I remember the 21-0 shutout in the rain in 1974 an Jordan complaining because we punted on third down."

"Imagine that, Auburn whining about something."

"I understand you are okay with the Auburn Eagles, but how do you feel bout the Auburn Tigers... or Plainsmen, whatever that is supposed to mean."

"The Barn of Stupidity= AU Plains Men,War Eagles and Tigers; I also forgot to add Bobby Lowder U,Thumb Suckers and Beastility Lovers.........oh any more mascots I forgot?"

"I was at the UT-Auburn game at Auburn a few years ago when we almost pulled off that late game comeback. On our way out to the car, an old lady told us that she hoped we crashed and died on the way home. Go to hell, Auburn fans!"

"You seem to be harboring a lot of hatred for the Barn..............I like it!"

"I just lost all faith in you as a judge of character. They are pure and simple human filth. They should erect a giant cage around that cesspool to prevent them from infecting the rest of America with their idiocy."

"its without a doubt that barn fans are much more tolerable than bammers. simply because they havent won anything. even when they go undefeated.if they ever do though itll change very quickly"

"I went to the lovely town of Auburn, Alabama sometime in the late 70s for a game. All I remember thinking was that I had truly come upon the armpit of the South."

"Aren't they the Tigers. I think War Eagle is a battle cry. It is quite confusing."
"Been to every SEC campus multiple times. Auburn is a sewer."

"True, but it's not crawling with Barners. Thus, it's infinitely better than Auburn."

"Very true. Auburn fans are second for me behind Florida and in front of Bama. Their idiotic praise and arrogant defense of a generally worthless program is pretty infuriating. Especially when the last few games against them have been losses."

"Gainsville and Auburn are neck and neck for the worst college football town. I would rather hang out in Starkville. Suprised there hasn't been any mention of their annoying students that wear slacks and ties to every game or their obsession with fecal removing material."

"It is very appropiate that they throw toilet paper as a means of celebration."
"Auburn's whole campus is like UT's AG campus with a lower mean IQ and eight Kuwahee Wastewater Treatment Plants surrounding it."

"Lots of Auburn fans around here (central GA, about 2 hours from there), and I have never seen fans who will turn on their own team as quickly as they do. They are constantly complaining and whining, and tend to pick against their own team in pick-em's at the first sign of weakness."

"Two of the defenses they played are total crap. The other 2 are in the 30's in total defense."

Monday, September 28, 2009

Operation: Backfire Update... Somebody had better get Curtis Anderson on the phone QUICK!

News broke today that Alabammer's Jerrell Harris is going to be reinstated in two weeks according to bammer coach Nick $atan. For us Barnies, this is NOT good news.

I hope the Aubarn (AL) boosters have gotten wind of this so they can bribe Curtis Anderson into maybe luring ole' Jerrell back into another trap in hopes of derailing Alabammer's program once again.

Even though the plan failed... at least they have no clue that the Aubarn (AL) boosters are the source of all this mambo jumbo! ROUND TWO HERE WE GO!

No word on whether he has read my open letter to him or not.

The Road Continues: Aubarn (AL) trashes Ball State... who finished undefeated in 2008!

Even these dorks couldn't contain the Aubarn (AL) Tigers/Plainsmen/Eagles/(white) trash/Cowgirls last Saturday night.


WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY EVERYBODY!!!



The road continued last Saturday night as Aubarn (AL) trash-canned the Ball State Cardinals 54-30... HA HA ALABAMMER WE SCORED MORE POINTS SATURDAY THAN YOU DID!! HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAA!



I ain't gonna lie, these little bastards were tough, but ultimately they were no match for MR. 9-19 (ten more to go and he'll be a 500. coach!) and the mighty Aubarn (AL) football team.



At this point, the Iron Bowl National Championship is STILL playing in Aubarn (AL)'s favor. Alabammer is fortunate enough to be 4-0 though I must note they've still YET to play a team above mediocre status, while Aubarn (AL) on the other hand, continues to knock down BCS powerhouses, CRUSHING their dreams of a BCS title this year.




Coach Gene Cheez-it ain't upset about not being ranked in the AP poll....



...CAUSE WE'RE STILL RANKED NUMBER 1 IN THE OPELIKA-AUBARN NEWS PAPER POLL!! You hear that Bammer? WE'RE NUMBER ONE AND YAL'L AREN'T!! HAHAHAHA!!!
The road continues next Saturday night as the two greatest coaches in the SEC, finally square off against each other in the octagon on the gridiron. It's the match of the century: Coach Gene Cheez-it vs. Coach Lame Kiffin.

I'll have more on our upcoming foe later in the week, but until then...

WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!



Thursday, September 24, 2009

BARNIES OF THE WEEK!!!!

THE PORT-A-POTTY OLYMPIC CHAMPIONS!

These here videos were recorded at the last rodeo held here in Aubarn (AL).

Port-A-Potty Running is another great tradition here in Lee County; a tradition in the form
of the prestigious olympics. These here Barnies were our champions of the month, and
for that, I'm rewarding them with the Barnie of the Week award!






Wednesday, September 23, 2009

The Road Continues: Aubarn (AL) Demolishes West Virginiar

The "Country Roads" of Aubarn (AL) were just too much.... In fact, I hear they got lost down one of those backroads in Lee County on the way to the stadium!
The West Virginians REALLY enjoyed the Aubarn (AL) experience as they fit right in with Aubarn (AL)'s finest...

Barnies show their class and hospitality toward the Mountaineer nation.



The journey continued today as Aubarn (AL) DESTROYED the best team in the state of West Virginiar (and 50x better than Virginiar Tech) in a revenge game to hold on to our Opelika-Aubarn News number 1 ranking (HAHA ALABAMMER WE'RE RANKED HIGHER THAN YOU).

Coach Cheez-it said in his opening post-game presser: "Come on Tommy, even I can beat West Virginia".


West Virginiar came in ready to unleash their explosive offense, but Aubarn (AL) shut them down FORCING six turnovers and it was smooth sailing for the barn from then on out. Coach Gene Cheez-it improved his mighty all-time record to 8-19 after Saturday's blowout win over the Big East aka The Big Powerhouse Conference's powerhouse team: West Virginiar.




Heisman caliber quarterback, Jarrett Brown received the MVP of the game award as he led the Aubarn (AL) team to 24 points all by his lonesome.


Even Scarbiniensekilosy of the Bammerham news watched our game; and here's the quote of the day:

So, sure, it’s so easy to go overboard. It’s harder to mark the exact time and place when the Auburn fan base got carried away by a fresh start under a new coach, but let’s give it a shot.
The time: 7:11 p.m. on Saturday Sept. 19.


The place: The student section at Jordan-Hare Stadium. It was at that precise moment, in that general location, when a soaked and shirtless young man held aloft a t-shirt with a giddy, lofty message:


‘‘Bama Don’t Want None.”


Clearly, all that rain on the Plain had seeped into his brain. Alabama is a better team than last year, which means Alabama is one of the best teams in the nation. Again.


Bama don’t want none? Of Auburn? Are you sure?


The last time Auburn played Alabama, the Tigers didn’t score none.


Rather than taunting the Tide, it seemed like a better idea at the time to forget Nick Saban’s team and focus on his home state.


West Virginia.


Outside of Alabama, no one humiliated Auburn last season like West Virginia. Two possessions in Saturday night, Mountaineers had picked up where they left off.

It was just a joke though cause WE'RE NOT AUBSESSED WITH ALABAMMER! In fact, they're so scared right now they're obsessed with us! I'll have proof coming in the following weeks.

Next week Aubarn (AL) takes on the mighty Ball State Cardinals, WHO WENT UNDEFEATED LAST YEAR ALABAMMER! They may be 0-3 right now (with VERY CLOSE LOSSES to powerhouse teams such as North Texas, New Hampshire, and Army), but they're not a team to overlook. However, Coach Gene Cheez-it will have the Barnies ready to play. Ball State joins the likes of Louisiana-Tech, Mississippi State, and Western Virginiar as losers who all lost to Coach Gene Cheez-it and company. In addition, they only make our schedule that much tougher showing that we are that much better than Alabammer! And I want to note once more... I AIN'T OBSESSED! Just stating the facts.

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!

Trooper Taylor fits right in...

Is he Aubarn (AL)'s new black-white supremacist?


(Apologies for providing a link and not the video. The fellow Barnie who uploaded the video to YouTube has graciously disabled the embedding code)

Clayton Bigsby would be proud!

Friday, September 18, 2009

BARNIE(S) OF THE WEEK!!!!

Ladies and gentlemen of Aubarn (AL) I proudly present to you...
THE SPELLING NATIONAL CHAMPIONS (and proud Aubarn (AL) Alumni)...

Much like AGM, Mosley, and Dyer, these guys truly are unstoppable...

I wonder if they'll volunteer to be our poster kids for what an Aubarn (AL) degree -- with little or no work required -- can do for you!

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!!!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

The Difference Between Alabammer and Aubarn (AL)...

Eager to know the difference between Alabammer and Aubarn (AL)? The answer lies just below in the pictures...
"S" the coach...

"S" The Sanctioned...

Bear Bryant Obsession...

Bear Bryant AUbsession...

The Start of a New Legacy...

The Start of a New Legacy (Barnie version)...

Got 12...

Got 12...




Alabammer at ESPN's Gameday...






Aubarn (AL) at Alabammer's ESPN Gameday...



Aubarn (AL) on ESPN's Gameday...


Parole Tide...


Even Saban Predicts Seven...
Other classic Barnie Gameday signs worth noting (couldn't find the pics): TERRANCE CODY IS FAT; $ $ATAN $; SARAH JESSICA PARKER WILSON; GOT SIX?

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!!!!

Gene Cheez-it Wins SEC West Newbie Coach National Championship!!!

Coach Dan Mullen (secretly a bammer) said in the post-game presser, "Cheez-it cheated!" Obviously this guy has got serious issues...



The road to the national championship continued last Saturday as Aubarn (AL) pummeled fellow conference powerhouse (and not a Florida divisional school), Mississippi State (who is 2-1 against Bammer in the last three years).




Coach Cheez-it (now 7-19!), had a tough task in front of him going into a monstrous battle, Saturday night by having to work hard all week at coming up with a solution to STOPPING a Misserssippi State offense that currently EQUALS the Florider Gatorz offense. In addition, he was also battling for the SEC West Newbie Coach of the Year National Championship (HA HA BAMMER WON WON SEC WEST NEWBIE COACH OF THE YEAR NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP AND YAL'L DIDN'T!! HAHAHA!). Coach Cheez-it yet again proved to the universe that he is the best coach in terms of all aspects of coaching Saturday night by, not just blowing out one of the best teams the SEC West had to offer, but also shutting down a Florida Gator offense now turned Mississippi State Bulldawg... and also winning the SEC West Newbie Coach of the Year National Championship!



Looks like even ole Tuberneck lent Coach Cheez-it some advice on how to shut down a Florider Gator offense, now turned Misserssippi State!



Next week, Coach Cheez-it has his hands full again with an undefeated and overly extremely powerful Mountaineer squad who blew out a great coach last year, which was Tommy Tuberneck. West Virginia currently has two convincing wins over BCS powerhouses, Liberty (33-20) and ECU (35-20). I know coach Cheez-it will prevail as this will be yet another tune up game for him. Winning just ain't a problem with the Cheez-whiz!



Courtesy of CrapstoneReport.





WAR DANG EAGLE HEY!!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Operation: Backfire... The AUbarnie's Letter to Curtis Anderson


Don't tell the Bammers, but our Operation Derail has backfired!

Dear Curtis Anderson,

As a sincere and lifelong Aubarn (AL) fan, I must commend you on your complete dedication and focus on derailing the tracks that The University of Alabammer AT Tuscalooser is currently on -- as well as being brave enough to be the soul middle man for the Aubarn (AL) boosters when nobody else would do it.

When the top-secret news broke across Aubarn (AL) message boards all across the net that Aubarn (AL) boosters promised to get Alabammer back by signing all of the states top recruits (and cheating as well... after all who wouldn't want to attend four years at Aubarn (AL) ?) -- namely Jerrell Harris, Barnies all across Lee County celebrated in unison. We rolled Toomer's Corner and even threw a "Get 'em back" rodeo in further celebration.

Now, it has come to my attention that Bammers are starting to gain suspicion of our attempts to destroy their program, bringing them down to our level of greatness. After reporting that Robert Witt flew to the NCAA headquarters to speak with the NCAA -- a president wouldn't fly to talk about a player's eligibility, Bammers getting the Alabammer Attorney General involved, and someone spilling the beans that you're wife is an avid Barnie, and your son currently attends school here at Aubarn (AL), the plan has back-fired.

Here are a few solutions from keeping Aubarn (AL) out of trouble: 1) Tell them you're secretly working for The University of Alabammer AND NOT Aubarn (AL) boosters. 2) Tell your wife to change her allegiance (temporarily) and enroll your son at Alabammer (temporarily). 3) Get the Aubarn (AL) boosters to lend you enough cash to buy ALL of the Alabama players Escalade Limo's (and tell them they're from Bear Bryant Jr.). 4) Send a fake contract to Nick Saban from Opelika High School offering him $40,000 a year to come coach the Bulldogs.

Now you must do this ASAP or else we'll get canned for this. Seeing as how you're brighter than most Bammers are saying, I trust that you'll make the right decisions by choosing NOT to report Aubarn (AL)... after all, telling them you had no idea Jones, Ingram, and Harris were football players was a good start.

With that being said, we thank you for your Aubarn (AL) patronage and a big WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY is deserved!

Aubarn (AL) Obliterates BCS Powerhouse Louisiana-Tech... 13 Left!

Can you say... 6-19? 6-19? 6-19?
Is it just me, or does Coach Cheez-it look eerily similar to Roy Scheider in his younger days?

Folks, if you didn't get to catch Aubarn (AL)'s convincing victory over BCS powerhouse Louisiana-Tech, then you missed several historic moments unveil themselves last Saturday night: Gene Cheez-it's Aubarn (AL) debut; Gene Cheez-it's SIXTH career victory; the first game of Aubarn (AL)'s 2009 BCS/Iron Bowl National Championship season; and lastly Gene Cheez-it being awarded a brand spankin' new double-wide on Wire Road, courtesy of the Aubarn (AL) Athletic Department for beating the second best "Tech" program in the country (the first being us).

Coach Cheez-it said he's already made hotel reservations in Pasadena, California!

At least we beat the best Tech team in the state of Louisianer, while Alabammer struggled with a no-named Tech team from somewhere up North.

Courtesy of In The Know over at The Crapstone Report

Tune in this Saturday as Aubarn (AL) and Coach Gene Cheez-it focuses their attention on Alabammer Mississippi State for Aubarn (AL)'s second win of the season and Coach Gene Cheez-it's SEVENTH career win!

The road continues THIS SATURDAY!

WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!

Saturday, September 5, 2009

The Road to the BCS Championship Begins...


The road begins today!

Coach Gene Cheez-it has already stated that he's already ordered our Opelika-Aubarn News preseason predicted to win the Iron Bowl and BCS National Championship rings!
Coach Gene Cheez-it holds up OA News' preseason ranking for Aubarn (AL) for the AUbarnie at yesterday's practice... but it looks like he forgot to wear his Aubarn (AL) gear to practice. Guess it don't make much of a difference!!

We'll have our post-game analysis up sometime tomorrow. Until then, let's go out there and kick the Saban out of Derek Dooley!


WAR DAMN EAGLE HEY!


Friday, September 4, 2009

I(ncomprehensible)-Man's Thoughts Aubarn (AL)'s Opening Game VS. La. Tech

I-Man: beat writer for the AUbarnie aka
the only undefeated Finebaum caller.
WHAT IT IS MY FELLOW BARNIE AMIGOS? I-MAN IS BACK LIKE BRET FAVRE AND BAMMER... I WAS KIDDING ABOUT THE LATTER.
ANYWHO...

YA KNOW VIRGINIA TECH IS GONNA PUT IT ON BAMMER. WHEN I SAY PUT IT ON I MEAN PUT IT ON LIKE THE NCAA DID TO THOSE CHEATING BAMMERS WHO HANDED OUT FREE CLASS CREDITS... I MEAN FREE TEXTBOOKS TO THOSE CERTAIN INDIVIDUAL PLAYERS. VIRGINIA TECH IS GONNA LAY DOWN THE LAW LIKE AUBARN (AL) DID TO THEM LAST YEAR... I MEAN LIKE UTAH DID TO THEM LAST YEAR.
VIRGINIA TECH'S GONNA SEND SABAN INTO A DRINKING FRENZY AND I'LL BET MY LIFE SAVINGS EARNED FROM MY AIR CONDITIONING BUSINESS ON THAT! BAMMERS YOU SHOULD TAKE NOTES ON HOW TO HANDLE AN OPPONENT. BY TAKING NOTES I MEAN BY WATCHING WRBL'S GAME OF THE WEEK: AUBARN AND LOUISIANA TECH. WE'RE GOING TO MANHANDLE THEM THE WAY WE MANHANDLE OUR COWS DOWN AT THE SLAUGHTER HOUSE IN AUBARN (AL). MAYBE OLE COACH NICK CAN ALSO TAKE SOME COACHING NOTES BECAUSE COACH CHEEZ-IT'S GONNA SCHOOL LOSER TECH WHILE VIRGINIAR TECH IS GONNA SCHOOL ALABAMMER. SO HAVE THEM NOTEPADS READY CAUSE IT'S GONNA BE A LONG NIGHT SATURDAY.

HECK IF WORST COMES TO WORST, I'M SURE COACH CHEEZ-IT WILL HAVE AN OPENING ON THE GRAD ASSISTANT STAFF THAT $ATAN MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN CAUSE AFTER VIRGINIA TECH SHUTS BAMMER OUT AND SITS EM DOWN COACH $ATAN WILL LEAVE ANYWAY.

FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER I THINK I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU BAMMERS. LOOK AT WHERE WE'RE AT TODAY AND WHERE Y'ALL ARE AT. Y'ALL MAY WANNA GO AHEAD AND FORFEIT THE NEXT 20 IRON BOWL NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS JUST TO SAVE THE HEARTACHE! HEY... IT'S JUST A SUGGESTION! I'M JUST LENDING SOME FRIENDLY RIVAL ADVICE WHILE THE NIGHT'S STILL YOUNG CAUSE COME SATURDAY IT'LL BE ALL OVER FOR Y'ALL!

I'LL BE BACK TO CHECK UP ON Y'ALL WHILE WE'RE BASKING IN THE GLORY OF DEFEATING ONE OF THE MOST PRESTIGIOUS PROGRAMS IN THE COUNTRY WHILE Y'ALL ARE HANGING YOUR HEADS IN DEFEAT AFTER A CUPCAKE TEAM DESTROYS Y'ALL.

UNTIL NEXT TIME... I-MAN.... OUT! CATCH ME LIVE FROM THE CAPITAL CITY OF THE CONFEDERACY ON THE FINEBAUM RADIO NETWORK MONDAY-FRIDAY!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

What to do around Aubarn (AL) this weekend!

For those of you La Tech fans who've never had the luxury of taking part in the Aubarn (AL) experience, here's a brief list breaking down some of the top tourist attractions in the lovely Lee County, AL.
Tractor Pulls

This here is our version of Six Flags where the rides are thrilling beyond belief!
Shootin' Skeet With Our Very Own Bammer Desecrators
Hosted by none other than our very own Bammer Desecrators you can shoot skeet all day long with the Lee County Legends!
Fraternity Parties

If it's Friday night, you can head over to a KKK Fraternity Party! Just make sure you're not of any other origin than redneck and or white trash!


Aubarn (AL) Rodeo
This here is more of a pregame festivity. Only problem is, once you enter the Rodeo grounds you ain't gonna want to leave! So make sure you sell your ticket off if you plan on checking
this event out!
The Historic Opelika District Tour


Yet another mind-boggling pregame festivity! Aubarn (AL) offers tours through our historic neighborly superior city, Opelika (which Aubarn (AL) is currently underfunded by). If you already have your football tickets purchased, show the tour guide at the gate and they give you a 20% discount on all tours!

And if that ain't enough, you can also check out some of our pre and post game traditions!

We hope y'all enjoy your Aubarn (AL) experience as we're sure you will!
Y'all be sure to come back now ya here!

Monday, August 31, 2009

Barnie of the week!

Admittedly it's been a while but now... THE BARNIE OF THE WEEK AWARDS ARE BACK!

This week's winner is none other than...

LOVELY LINDA...

For you tourists, if you're ever traveling down the fascinating landmark known as Wire Road and you've ever got five bucks or a smoke to spare, she's all yours!

Linda's always there to lend advice. In fact, the fan who submitted her picture included a quote of her own, "the best advice she'd given me after asking for change to fill up an invisible car that was out of gas as there was only one other car at the gas station, so she could ride up to Western Sizzlin in Opelika where she had just been laid off from so she could pick up her check, was, 'next time you go to court you'd better take the fine money with ya or else they'll put yer ass in jail'!"

Absolutely beautiful!

Congrats Linda on winning the barnie of the week award and best of luck on panhandling up your fine money!